- 00:23:34: og nagbinata napud ko, which caused the fight.. im tired with me having to think about you!
- 00:25:44: lately, i have been acting childish. obviously i have regressed and i hate it. something has to be done NOW!
- 00:38:04: but regression is my way of coping especially in difficult circumstances like this today. it is my only way and it is not healthy.
- 00:40:34: im through being attacked by others. i would rather attack than be attacked again.
- 00:42:41: because being attacked and not be able to do anything other than wasting tears away is a defeat..
- 00:44:20: im trying to be tough and this endeavor is gradually influencing my change in attitude and beliefs.
- 00:45:26: i am not the hopeless being i used to be. i made my choice. no one steps on me ever again.
- 00:53:05: pride is my middle name.
- 00:55:39: i guess all i need now is time and some space.
- 00:55:58: you are not the problem but i am.
- 00:58:00: or is this some kind of a test that i am making? since then, i have been cautious about people and i wouldn't trust anyone that easily.
- 00:59:04: ironically, i gave you my self, which would only mean that i trust you, but there is a part of me that is having second thoughts.
- 01:01:21: you saying NO hurts me. but i know i couldn't and i wouldn't tell you what to do. it is your life and i respect your decisions.
- 01:02:27: i am just too stubborn like a child to consider but i consider. i just hate showing my submission. its against my own personal philosophy.
- 01:03:40: but then again, i see the irony to it. i do not like submission but i submit to you. and now as im thinking about this, i feel the shame.
- 01:07:16: threats are my mother's way, not mine. but i have been using it lately. is it my way to manipulate people? perhaps yes but i do not like it.
- 01:09:19: i am not my mother. i must not forget that there is a boundary between me and my mother. i am not my mother. i am my self. i am i.
- 01:10:34: i remember a dream about me blaming tiya for killing my birds. i did not consider that may be it wasn't tiya but i who was the culprit.
- 01:13:23: i may unconsciously be pushing my self away from the people i love via ways they couldn't and wouldn't understand.
- 01:13:48: simply because i wouldn't want them to understand...
- 01:15:31: i now know that the birds may represent my relationships that i may unconsciously be trying to break. to avoid self-blame, i blame others.
- 01:19:26: there are much complexities than that. the ways in which i blame is indirect, in a certain disguise that couldn't be attributed back to me.
- 01:26:21: mom asks me if there is anything wrong with me. she sees that something is wrong. she is indeed my mother.
- 01:29:09: she knows me but only a part of me. people know me on superficial level.
- 01:31:51: me pushing people away is rooted from the fear of showing my self to them. so indeed i haven't openned my self to you.
- 01:32:44: it takes courage to show my self to you. unfortunately, i haven't found that courage yet.
- 01:34:03: you have already reached an impasse, now its difficult for me to let you in.
- 01:34:42: everyday is a realization. despite the pain, i am thankful i am learning about me.
- 01:37:18: my psyche has compensated so much in ways that marvels me.
- 01:45:54: now i know why my intimate relationships do not last long. this question has kept me in the dark for so long.
- 01:54:16: i should have blogged this instead of tweeting it...
- 02:11:40: i certainly am a "no" woman...
- 03:05:27: tsk! minyu na akong former teacher crush...
- 03:12:55: its my nephew's birthday...off to my cousin's place...
- 06:42:29: and things are back to normal... this person just wouldn't give up that's why i love him so..
- 07:04:52: we shouldn't get worried. it shall pass. RT @ABSCBNNews: [OFW] OFWs in HK worry over 'web' comments on hostage tragedy http://bit.ly/cg1qjk
- 07:05:06: great! RT @ABSCBNNews: [OFW] British MP shares expertise to help Pinoy nurses http://bit.ly/bh0ZjX
- 07:07:28: mom's been pressuring about the board exam and the review and that i have to stop wasting time and begin studying.
- 07:07:41: she thinks the internet is a waste of time.
- 07:09:00: i don't wanna live with the pressure. i will study when i am ready (law of readiness, E.L. Thorndike) and i will not only pass, i will top.
- 07:12:57: tomorrow, i shall administer my midterm exams, and distribute the Piring tickets.
- 07:14:16: Piring is play by the university of san carlos theater guild. i am requiring my students to watch.
- 07:22:30: offering people not false hopes but truth and hope...
- 07:34:08: alright!!! its time for bed. nightie tweeters..
- 18:41:50: administering an exam for art appreciation..
- 19:57:24: some students just never learn simply because they do not want to learn. they disregard things that they think are not important.
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