fluxed

Alright! Seriously I feel kind of fed up with the pressure in school especially that I have to teach Economics. I mean it's not even my expertise. The only reason why I am asked to teach it because it's a social science and I am expected to teach it in a psychologist's perspective. I'm not even a psychologist, but I am aspiring to be a developmental/social/clinical psychologist in the future.

Students expect a good teacher and I'm trying to be one. Imagine me reading that economics book, and another book and another and so on and so forth. I don't like economics though I know for the fact that it is important in our daily lives. I'm no economist or a politician either but I'm really trying my best to deliver both to the best I can (I'm also teaching Philippine Constitution and it's way easier than econ). I know I did great but not enough.

I have critical minded students, because I am very keen in observing them, even though they never say a thing. As much as possible I want them to express what's in there. Express it rather that keep it. It's gonna creep inside until it bursts out. I always tell my students that.

I also notice that my students payed attention in history class than I did during my elementary and high school years. Don't ask me about history. I know only a little. I am very challenged to read history books now.

You know it makes me glad when my students express or share to the whole class what they know that I do not know, because learning is very important that I never wanna stop from learning. From the beginning of my class I told my students that education is a teacher-student learning process, that I am their teacher as they are also mine.

I thought being a teacher was cool. That it was better to make examinations than take them and having to answer those knowledge-based questions which I really hate and answer subjective exams just to realize I got zero or something like that. Well, I mean subjective is supposed to be based on opinions but some educators are so close minded they stick to their linear type of teaching, forgetting the instinctual one which the mind is at all branded for.

Perhaps one of the many possible reason why students never express is because of the very close-minded educators. Students fear to be ridiculed for a wrong answer because teachers only consider their ideas or whatever is there written on books. I mean I could throw away all those books if I want to and solicit ideas from my students. That is for me real learning.

Real learning is not just about reading and memorizing. It's about criticizing, analyzing, and making hypothesis, testing the hypothesis and eureka! a genius is born.

Seriously being a teacher sucks. Making exams sucks. Preparing for discussions or lectures and other alternatives to lecture (strategies) sucks. But having able to produce someone is fulfilling!

Studying for life is better than studying for grades.

• 03:41:14: that stupid text message made me laugh. haha
  
• 03:55:11: im making a sacrifice today. internet abstinence..just for tonight. tomorrow's another day though..
  
• 04:05:18: i feel sorry to the victims of the maguindanao massacre and their families. i know justice will serve them.
  
• 04:18:39: individual psychology book, a pencil, pepsi and twitter :)
  
• 04:27:10: missing my clinical psychology class, particularly the cases we read and the diagnostic impressions we make..
  
• 05:10:56: @_stoptheworld me too, soon..
  
• 06:18:19: finished one psyc article.. rizal napud akong basahon..
  
• 07:35:34: enough rizal for tonight..be reading philippine constitution..
  
• 08:35:13: i couldn't remember my earliest memory. though i remember few childhood events, i couldn't decide which one is the earliest.
  
• 08:35:16: instead of reading phil. constitution like i said i would, im reading another psyc article about early childhood memories.
  
• 08:44:20: had two callers tonight..rarely does anyone ever call me exept when i was in highschool & in college. my friends are busy people & so am i.
  
• 08:52:39: to log z's..
  
• 15:30:42: RT @mashable TweetsGiving Aims to Raise $100,000 for Charity Through Social Media http://bit.ly/5lCVU3
  
• 15:30:58: RT @mashable STATS: Xbox Live Generates One Million New Users for last.fm http://bit.ly/8Dp19s
  
• 15:31:11: RT @mashable Facebook Takes Another Step Towards IPO http://bit.ly/82dPZR
  
• 15:33:36: RT @mashable Muppets Take On Bohemian Rhapsody at 1080p [VIDEO] http://bit.ly/5CIbmS
  
• 15:33:56: RT @mashable Amazon Improves Kindle Battery Life and Adds PDF Reader http://bit.ly/844tr3
  
• 15:34:08: RT @mashable Google Previews New Search Ads [PICS] http://bit.ly/4CUvCh
  
• 15:34:21: RT @mashable HootSuite Adds Support for Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter Lists http://bit.ly/4QPlG1
  
• 15:34:59: RT @mashable Auto-Tune Your Facebook Status Update http://bit.ly/5bt8AF
  
• 15:36:53: Photo: lightpaint: #light #photomanipulation #digitalart #art http://tumblr.com/xun48h4a4
  
• 17:57:43: love it when im giving examinations, and groups activities..i don't need to give lectures..
  
• 19:17:42: checking paper..a responsibility of a teacher i least like..
  
• 19:48:29: i like to read my students' ideas. other than learning from them, i am actually opening my self to points of view different with mine.
  
• 20:28:37: RT @paulocoelho: C.C. Where you are doesn't determine who you are.
  
• 20:28:45: RT @paulocoelho: C.C.: The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself
  
• 22:47:53: was just given an additional load for a humanities class.. love it, love the arts..
  

Facebook loudness:

i need to buy a new video card or memory for my computer. its getting really slow and i am so pissed by it! other than that his presence (i am referring to my father who was willing to buy me a huge teddy but because of some unfortunate events which i tweeted earlier, we never purchased it) annoys me the most! i don't hate him. its just that he does things that irritates me especially when my work, my internet, or whatever it is that i am doing are being compromised because of him. his mess, which i always clean up (not because i want to, but because i am forced to) is really pissing me off. grrr!!! and i have to end my internet early because he says so. like now, i am signing off because he says so (i can choose not to follow but my f* obedience is pulling me to do as they ask.).

thank you for listening to me and my blabssss..so bye bye fluxed! good night.

man (literally the word is gender insensitive, but let me just use the word "man" to refer to both sexes or genders) is a purposive being, phenomenologically existing, and living the transient borrowed life in this planet, which is only a flyspeck in the cosmic universe. man has an end as gautama buddha said "all composite things are doomed to extinction." man as a composite being then, is subjected to his fate.

if only i was like veronika, death would have been easier, unfortunately i am as sane (or rather insane) as you and as fearful to death as majority of people living in the cosmos.

in just as i am curious as a cat, i am wondering how it was like to be in veronika's neurotic mind, or more like psychotic than neurotic since i already am the former like everyone in the planet is. freud said we have a degree of insanity in all of us. he and other psychologists, psychotherapists, psychoanalysts are not an exemption, nor am i or you.

so what is man's purpose then? death is his or her purpose as people would say, but existentialist victor frankl said that man must find meaning in life. meaning varies according to individuals and changes depending on the situation. frankl added that we can find meaning in love, in work and others. it is not necessary that we have a meaning in life in general sense but meaning in all aspects of the parts that make up the whole.

i am blogging now because i find meaning in this endeavor as i find meaning in reading or in going to school or in working. veronika found meaning in death and so she decided on giving up the life that was given to her. it was freedom that she found, and she took the opportunity than let it pass.

yes, suicide is psychologically a form of escape pattern as dissociative disorders are. but verinoka sees it otherwise. perhaps, in order to really understand the human psyche is to look at things in a neurotic's or psychotic's perspective, and dig deep than depend on what are written on books--theories. every individual is unique, and so is she, you and me. before i read the book i thought what it was like to be journeying in veronika's mind.

i am suddenly reminded of the movie "the cell" starred by jennifer lopez. she was a child psychologist who journeys through the mind of a comatosed serial killer to find a missing girl. it was then that she found the morbid events that happened to him as a child that influenced his later personality. the task wasn't easy but she understood what it was like to be trapped with the darkest of the memories the human psyche has.

while i was reading veronika, it was like journeying through her mind, knowing and understanding her narrow but meaningful perspective. she finds meaning in her situation and she was even happy even if she decides to end it all.

i have been busy reading the book i bought weeks ago on essays written by alfred adler's students and particularly edited by his son himself. wow! i couldn't be very passionate than ever owning and actually reading it. so what have i read? a lot actually! let me start with social feelings and why is it so important, also about freedom, differentiating from having and being. Another is about inferiority complexes and how it influences personality, and a lot more. I haven't finished the book yet. There are many things yet to be learned.